The Dilemma, Part 2: When It's Actually Quite a Blessing Without Disguise

I’ve taken up reading the French newspaper; mostly because I can finally make out some comprehension of what I’m reading… Well, part of it, at least. Other times, it stands in as a prop to disguise me as a local (that is, until I have to speak and the American accent is revealed). Anyway, in the French paper, there’s a small column on the back page with horoscopes, which are divided into three sections: Health, love, and work.

The Health portion read, “La Forme!”
With the reminiscent symptoms of being sick, I thought, That’s a stretch; maybe it’s more of a suggestion than a reading, to be in “top form?” Or maybe it was the writer’s last horoscope of the day to finish. It’s a toss-up.

Love: Something along the lines of show yourself if your heart is already taken, and beware of losing… something?
Yes, problem with commitment and opening up to people: check! Let’s brush right past that section.

Work: “Non! Tout le monde n’est pas toujours honnete avec vous. Il faut vous le rentrer dans la tete une fois pour toute!”
How introspective of you, Universe, because you’re right; “Everyone” regarding my work is not being honest with me and like you instructed, I need to get it in my head once and for all.

I’m not aloof to the situation at hand, but I do, however, hold a soft spot for optimism, leading me to hope that this is just a phase; There’s such a thing as a 3 ½ month phase, right?! But in reality, to say that this isn’t working, would be an understatement. However, I was a bit staggered to discover that my “Everyone” at my work had found a replacement for me.  Not just has a replacement been found, but contracts have been signed and dates have been set. I wonder when they’ll say something.

And so it seems, the French avoid confrontation.  Add it to the list. While a replacement is entirely crucial for both parties, it seems all so deceitful the way they went about it. Being the clearer of all airs, the conflict manager type, the opener of communication lines, and the do-er of good jobs that I try to be, I approached them back in February-ish, for an evaluation and to say in my broken French, “I want this to work for all of us. If there’s a problem, please talk to me about it, as I will try to do the same.” To which they replied, “Non, non, c’est bien.” It’s not so bien, obviously.

With the sincerest of truths, perhaps this whole experience has been a blessing, no disguise even necessary. Maybe a job lost (my first ever), but my freedom gained; the return of my sanity and a lesson learned; many lessons learned. It just wasn’t good chemistry. I’ve assessed the situation and I feel okay about it. I do.


Gratitude:

• Girls night out yesterday in Vieux Lyon
• The weather here has been in-cred-ible. I even left my jacket at home!
• The little boy here, just interrupted my post to ask if he could do my makeup and hair. Who wants to forecast his future to his conservative parents? Not me!

Spoiler Alert: Flu Shots Don't Work If Your Job Makes You Sick

They say your body is smart enough to send you warning signs; you just have to pay attention to the signals; listen to the cues; practice Mindfulness.

Well, try this one on for size: The last time I had the flu, and I mean the whole achy-everything hurts-sore throat-fever-can’t get out of bed-no appetite- so mentally out of it that you start to think Megan Fox is a good actress-flu, was two years ago. Then I became so healthy (taken to the extreme, at one point), that infections would see my white blood cells and submit their white surrender flag. I never missed my daily serving of fruits and vegetables (I really like them), and I took vitamins (I really only like them if they’re chewable, please, or gummi-bears ); not just one vitamin but multiple vitamins: Daily-multi, B-Complex, Vitamin C, Omega-3, the 3-a-day MSM; Flax-seeds and Chia seeds; shall I proceed? I was a walking poster-child for any health food store, which could be attributed to shopping at them. Knowing I was moving to France and being the coverer-of-all-bases that I am, I got a flu shot.

Last Sunday marked the end of a three week (minus some) vacation; back to Au Pair life. I was “home” by 6, pajamas by 7, in bed by 8, and then, boom, it hit me. I can say, without hyperbole, that my eyes were on fire, my throat had been attacked by sandpaper, my lungs collectively decided they wanted to break free, and amongst the 3 down-comforters, heater, and Snuggie covering me, I still couldn’t stop shivering. I was ill.

Then, the virus, somehow, spread to the frontal cortex of my brain, infecting my common sense, and in my hypochondriatic state, I diagnosed myself: Really?! How am I sick? No, but really?! It can’t be the flu; I got a flu shot; unless it’s Swine Flu (by proxy, through all the ham this family eats. Maybe it’s strep-throat? Nope, no white dots on my throat. Fever? Yep. Dizzy? Very. What if it’s pneumonia? You’ve already had pneumonia before; it’s just the flu. Nope, it’s definitely pneumonia. I bet they don’t even have real doctors in France. How could they when they don’t even sell peanut butter?! Yep, I’m going to die, from pneumonia.

It wasn’t pneumonia. Oh, and I found peanut butter (at a health food store today).

Let’s be honest: Since January, it’s been an unremitting pattern of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, putting me further behind than I was when I arrived. There are, of course, aspects that have significantly improved (like the 2 degree weather increase, or the people I’ve met), but it coincides with the parts that have worsened. And now my job was making me physically sick? The lyrics from the Talking Heads band are playing in my head: “How did I get here?”

Or, in a less melodramatic state, it could all just be from the overly handled fruit that I bought at the Farmers’ Market that morning. Who knows?!


Daily Gratitude:

• The American mom and Costo vitamins. Terra: Thank you!
• The sun came out today
• My friends continue to make me laugh on a daily basis
• I just finished the book I was reading and now, get to start the much anticipated book, authored by my good friend.