Happy 2011

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I didn't. For two (plus) months. I turned my back on the "project" and retreated into the background. But I'm baaaack. Yes, after a month of health issues, infections, a root canal, what I assume was the common cold, constant nausea, a much needed European family holiday vacation, and a partridge in a pear tree, I'm back!

Happy 2011! Finally! Can we agree that 2010 was a bit rough? Okay, maybe "challenging" is a more appropriate word choice. But before you think I'm being egotistical, self-absorbing, or anything else that is socially unacceptable these days, let me offer up that I’m not just referring to my life. Let's reflect.

January
While I stepped off a plane on January 1st to a new city, new job, and a new life, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake took almost six-hundred-thousand lives in Haiti. We're off to quite a start for 2010! I am now an Au Pair to two French children. I am on top of my game. I am in control. I am not fooling anyone.

February
Because one earthquake just isn't enough, a second one hits in Chile; one so powerful, it shortened the planet's day by a microsecond. However, it didn't shorten it enough to make the time pass faster in a job I realized I was quickly starting to loathe. So during the winter vacation, I took off with a special someone to Corsica to get away… far, far away!

March
I return from vacation and was immediately hit with what I convinced myself was a bout with death—it turned out to only be the flu. But because the snow won't cease and the French are so cold, and most of all, I just miss my family and warm-hearted Californians, I start brainstorming for a change of pace.

April
I learn the feeling of relief after finally quitting my job. I learn that Easter really is for rebirth and new beginnings. I learn that Barcelona is easily one of my favorite vacation cities and that it takes 6 hours by car to return to Lyon from Spain because Eyjafjallajokull Icelandic volcano has erupted, canceling all European flights. I don't care though because the pendulum is on the upswing...

May
Until it's not. Despite reading all of Oprah's and Women's Health articles on how to boost your mood, sleep better and look great, I can't seem to master any of it. Although grateful for the American family who brought me in, I quickly find myself over-worked and underpaid (who are we kidding, I was never paid!). I become stressed--stressed that I don't have another immediate option; stressed that I'm losing my French, losing my health, my hair and my mind. To make matters worse, can we really live in a world without Gary Coleman?

June
The World Cup is in South Africa, a huge sinkhole has opened up in Guatemala and I'm on weekend in the South of France. Though I never mentioned this until now, I have successfully managed to inadvertently set a mattress on fire using only a hair dryer and my savvy. The mattress is in the apartment of my friends who let me vacation there for the weekend while they were out of town.

July
Something-something-something in the media about Wikileaks and internal reports, but I can't really tell you much because honestly, I was completely oblivious to everything. Everything except being the most fortunate "homeless" girl that ever lived because after calling it quits with the American family, I spent four days in London with my very best British friend, two weeks roaming around Croatia, the islands and the Adriatic Sea, and then ten days with Rachel, road-tripping from Paris down to the South of France.

August
August arrived and I was either drunk off of relaxation or hell-bent on not yet giving up France because I signed up with a third (and FINAL, I swear to God) French family as their Au Pair to three awesome girls in the center of the city. It also doesn't hurt when your job starts with a week vacationing with them on the coast of Spain. During their second week of vacation, I sneak off to the Italian coast to explore everything mozzarella covered and garlic infused. Not a bad summer.

September
Here's a real tragedy: I turn another year older. I spend it with my new French OBGYN, which makes me feel even older. I'm nostalgic for previous birthday parties spent with frilly dresses, party favors, the Moon Man from McDonalds and colorfully wrapped boxes of Barbies. However, I put on my incredible new party dress, to spend an incredible night on an incredible riverboat/peniche, eating incredible vanilla and strawberry cake, and blowing out a candle for what I plan to make an incredible year.

October
Oh, the delightfulness of the French. They make unforgettable pastries, they speak beautifully; they enjoy their lives. When they're done, done with their (minimum) 5 weeks of vacation, they complain. They stir, they storm, they strike, they set cars on fire and they make the front page of the NY Times.

But the strikes don't bother me because the French policemen are easy on the eyes. I am keeping my head up (literally). I am going with the flow. I am okay until I'm stuck listening to my host-dad (fill in the appropriate blank) his new girlfriend for 3 hours. I am now sleep deprived, annoyed and longing for my independence again.

November
Did I mention that I love Thanksgiving? Did I mention that it's up there on my list of Top Favorite Holidays, along with Black Friday and the Vernal Equinox? Did I mention that baguettes and fromage, no matter how chewy, carb-y and creamy, will never take the place of my mom's turkey and Trader Joe's pumpkin pie?! Did I mention that nothing sounds more appealing than an entire day sitting around with family, admiring the dysfunction and keeping our aggression passive? No, I never mentioned it because Thanksgiving arrives and cue the arrival of my tooth infection that leads to a root canal, and two more weeks of other infections. But I'm still thankful because in two weeks, I will be vacationing with my dad and brother for the holidays.

Oh yeah, I also misplaced a 7 year old child. There, I said it.

December
So it's official, marijuana is still illegal....But wine isn't!

I've mentally checked out of my job, this project, and I'm trying to muster up what little energy I have left. Instead, I focus on improving my French and reading every book in sight. Escapism.

I'm in need of family, which I fly to meet in Milan December 20th. This turns into a two week adventure with the boys, including Paris for Christmas and, wait for it, yes that's right, Barcelona for New Year's Eve. We tour the sites, we spend way too long in museums, we eat flan every day for breakfast, we make inside jokes, we quote youtube clips, we see Europe together and we spend what is now the Best New Years I've Ever Had eating The Best Paella that has ever been made. We each eat our 12 grapes of good luck, even the soft ones, and hope they keep their promise.

Similar to last year, I spend January 1st on my way to Lyon. This time, I'm greeted with open arms and the best chocolate cake I've ever eaten in my entire life.

So it's official-- 2011. I'm a believer in new things, new beginnings; out with the old, in with the new...hence my shoe collection. I'm ready to take the lessons of 2010 and start anew. This past year has taught me a lot, from keeping track of my scarf and gloves, to learning to accept help from others. I've realized that I'm stronger than I thought, but it's okay to let your guard down once in a while; that at times, you just need to jump and most likely, you'll land on your feet; and even when you don't, just get back up and dust yourself off. I've realized that when all is said and done, I have an incredible support system; and that seriously, no but like seriously, no one makes baguettes like the French. So at the risk of begging, please be good to us 2011!

Happy New Year.

Happy 2010

Similarly, 2009 and 2010 were both brought in while on a plane. However, 2009 was en route to Sacramento, in need of the safety and security of “home”, while 2010 was on a flight to France, embarking on adventure. That alone, mirrors the vast adjustment that was 2009.

They say, just as a trapeze artist cannot swing from one bar to another without letting go of the other, that one must release the old in order to embrace the new. Happy Twenty-ten! With a previous year that started in a state of anorexia, the last 365 days have brought me around 180 degrees to a new mindset, or so I’d like to think. 2009 has been a year of learning, self-reflecting, tweaking, and fine-tuning. With my incessant habit for comparison, I can’t help but think, “At this time last year, I was: (fill in the blank with some negative emotion and relative behavior to match).” Happily, that has changed.

An honest self-analysis is always helpful to gain clarity and the New Year seems particularly fitting to do some reflection. 2009 was a noteworthy. That’s a given. As I devoted 2008 the year of discovery, with a resolution of experiencing and seeing new things, 2009 could be doted the year of recovery.

In a nutshell, I gained some new and amazing friendships which brought me out of my stubborn disordered thinking. I kept the old “classic” friendships, too. I started enjoying dance again and as the weight returned, my strength did, as well. I performed. I quit my second job doing neurofeedback in realizing I needed more “me” time and a moment to catch my breath. This was followed by getting serious about graduate school and researching programs to fit my interests, and of course, attempting the GRE. There were incredible vacations from New York City to Morro Bay, and Palm Springs to weekend get-aways in San Diego. There was an addiction to Greek yogurt and Encinitas that led me to a Trader Joe’s, where I stumbled upon a very special and supportive person. Coachella, a Padres’ game, blueberry cookies, wisdom teeth surgery, county fairs, Lola Gaspar, and a Chargers’ game were all firsts for me. And who could forget Fantasy Football?! Family relationships were repaired and strengthened as we learned acceptance of each other’s quirks versus trying to change them. My relationship with my parents became the strongest to date, as they were more than supportive through my "issues" and desire to move abroad. Saturday mornings at the gym soon changed to Saturday mornings with friends. Girls’ nights, date nights, and going out were all reinstated. I lost roommates, gained some, kept the important ones. Themed parties, stopping to smell the flowers (all fifty-something bouquets of them), weighing difficult decisions, therapy, and commitment issues were all included. I gave up my condo, my job, security, desire for perfection, and sense of normalcy that I created, in order to follow my dreams… and then I boarded a plane to France.

I found myself again, the version of me that I like, anyway. The Lauren who loves short jokes, puns, and “boy” humor; who spends hours on end in dance classes but can’t pick up my own feet when walking down the street… who isn’t afraid to admit that Lady Gaga is on my ipod, next to Britney Spears, Radiohead, and The Beatles…and who can appreciate Nintendo just as much as a good novel. 2009 became focused on living, enjoying, and finding beauty in life’s imperfections.

With 2010, I welcome the adventure, the firsts, and the adjustment of living somewhere new. I’m not one for “new” resolutions but there are a few to make the list:

• While packing up my life for a year, I realized I have an unnecessary amount of clothes and shoes. 2010 will include the lack of clothing purchases. I think I can do it.

• I want to add pins to my “been there” map. There are a few “must see” places but the rest are up for impulsivity.

• Dance classes in France. Pretty self explanatory.

• It took hip tendonitis and the inability to run in order to realize that I actually do enjoy jogging. I want to recover from this so I can start running again. Plus, I hear that there’s a European marathon that has wine stops instead of water stops and is done wearing Halloween costumes. Umm, yes, please.

It’s now 9 am in France and time for le café to make up for the lack of sleep and jet lag. Fingers crossed that 2010 also brings my lost luggage from the airlines!

Happy New Year!

Today’s Gratitudes:
1. I am adjusting well to France.
2. The American family lives right up the way and they’re awesome.
3. Kids snuggy.
4. There’s a hot water maker for tea. I had to contain my excitement when I discovered this at dinner last night.
5. The kids aren’t too bad. (knock on wood)
6. This past Christmas/holiday season has been the best I can remember.